I started back into college this week in my final year. Just releasing how much work is facing me and feeling a little overwhelmed by it. Lots of different readings to do and books to read, and a lot ridding on the grades that I take out of this year as well, so not really loving it so far.

It feels like that is all one big rush and race to get the grades, needing me to put my all into it and compimise on my life so that I can move on and go into a job where I will need to give my all to keep and have again to put all aside and work on that. It feels like I have started on a path of commitment to something that I don't really want to commit to! In a lot of ways that just makes life seem so meanless and empty, not a great feeling, I think that everytime I feel that way it is like a bit of my heart gives up or dies.

At the moment I think that my heart needs dreams again a chance to look out on the future and to see it as a place of possibilities and wounder rather than a place to get lost and slowly die.