Home Group tonight

I was at homegroup tonight it was funny I was in a really quiet mood, I did not really feel like talking at all, maybe it is a reflection of where I am at, at the moment. We had a discussion on 1Corinthans 13 (the love chapter!) and nothing of real interest was said until John started to chat about how he had been impacted by God's love and how that changed him. He shared about how through experiencing God's unconditional love he had been reconciled with his Dad and how it had effected all his relationships. He challenged us to what it would be like for all of us if we were a community that really loved each other unconditional and were there for each other and how that was the sort of homegroup he wanted to be in. I sat there in silence not really knowing what to say, there was a part of me that totally agreed with him maybe my heart but I did not leap for joy at all. I think a part of me said I have been here before with a group of people who talked about love and really just don't give a shit, it is just a nice sermon to them and the idea of opening up and loving each other did not really occur to them when they had that great talk.

But then we broke up into two groups the guys and the girls and we shared a bit about how we were doing and what the others could pray for us, again I did not feel like talking but eventually I did. I will share that with you as well now...

I think for some time I have been thinking about being disheartend, I really feel like I have lost my heart. All the passion that was once in my life seams to have drained away all the desire for life gone. One of the other guys said it as well just a total sense of apathy and "Is this all there is? If it is I want nothing to do with it" Before you all think I am going to kill myself I am not!! But I do feel as though a part of my heart has died, well maybe it is more like that feeling you get after you have gone for a long run, you feel as though you want to collapse and just sit there and recover. Well my heart feels like that!! as if it just wants to give up..

We started to pray again I said nothing the whole time, I don't even think that I could raise my heart enough to do that. But John and Mark started to pray for me and gave me a few words that they felt God was saying to them for me. John said that it was like I was in a box trapped in, maybe by life or by lies that I have believed and that God wanted to release me, and it would be like a jack in the box, me exploding out as God released me. Then Mark said that he saw a picture of me like a firework without a match that I was ready to be sent off but just needed to be released and that I had a burden that God wanted to lift off me.

Both of the words really spoke to me and I think that they were spot on, but you know I think for the first time in ages I felt like I belonged to that community of guys that really did love me and would stand by me and that meant a whole lot to me.

Thank guys, you rocked my world

It has been a bit of a weird week, I think I have been deep in thought all this week, I have been thinking a lot about Christian leadership. I have been thinking that leadership is all about people, even in the most basic aspect the name leadership coming from leading people.. You say about a person they are a natural leader when they have good people skills can get people excited about something and get people to follow them!

I total understand that we need admin people to help run stuff and they often end up being our leaders, people who can get things done, but there is more to leadership than that, we need visionary people. In a church context this needs to be getting God's vision and hearing from Him as to where we are to go and what we are to do as a church. I think people often claim this, but sadly this often is used as a way of saying this is what we are doing and don't question my decision... I am not saying that this is always the case it just seams a bit sad that I have seen this a good bit before.

Even when a Leader has heard from God a popular or unpopular message, you need to have that as your goal and take people on that journey with you, not just demand obedience from them. I think what sets good leaders apart from bad leaders is there ability to bring a people with them. I was talking to a friend about this today and they said," A leader's got to explain what God's been speaking to them about it and get everyone else excited about it too."

I don't think I mind hard visions or even ones that seams hard to do, I think I even like the idea of a vision that we cant achieve on our own, a vision where we really have to get desperate for Jesus to show up and to do his amazing stuff! :)

I have also been thinking about that call in the bible for us to pray for our leaders, I think that is so important if we don't pray for our leaders we cant expect much from them. I think I have found my voice among those who are calling out for more from leadership and talk about it, but do not actually care enough to pray about it. All that says is we like being critiques rather than we are passionate for God to show up.... So eating some of my own humble pie I am starting to pray for my leaders!!

chat to you soon! tim :)

Tim and Mark

IMG_2766
Originally uploaded by timebbs.

This is a pic from last years breakout me with a good mate Mark! A fine chap alltogether and no better man to get to cut your greens!!

Last night was an interesting night for me, well let me tell you about it! I think, well I am pretty sure that I had one of my first God dreams that I have had EVER... So that was really cool and lucky you, I am going to share it with you.

I was with a few people who I am pretty sure where from my homegroup (Well I remember that two of them were anyway) and we were at one side of a city and for some reason we were going to cycle to the other side of the city to catch a ferry somewhere. I was on a type of tandem bike on the back, but I was totally unaware of actually having any controls of even really having to peddle. There was a blond girl on the front who was directing the bike, I never got to see her face, but I am pretty sure that it was my cusion Steph that I have not seen in ages..

When we were leaving we were discussing getting a puncture on the cycle over and we decided that we had time to get one puncture on the way and that we would have it at the other side of the city! I think that we were aiming to get a puncture.. Just for the pure joy of fixing the puncture.

Anyway we set out across the city and we came to traffic lights and there were bikes going everywhere it was a real messy and dangerous place. We were coming down to a bridge over a river I am pretty sure it was in Glasgow in Scotland but I have not been there so I am not sure why (it could have been Dublin) There was loads of bikes breaking the lights as soon as the cars had passed, and we kept stopping just in time to miss the cars. And then I woke up!

I am not realy sure what it all means... I think the girl repesented God and maybe family as well, guiding me through all the dangers to the ferry (what ever that repesents) I think the tandem speaks of it not being just God doing it but that I have to want it as well, that I have to have my feet on the peddles as well...

Apart from that I have no clue, any ideas??

Hello and welcome to my latest post! It seams like it has been a long time since we have spoken, so I thought that I would drop in and say hi again to the one or two people that read this... I hope that you are all doing well.

Not much going on in my life, had a few big presentation this week which was not much fun! But anyway chat soon